I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
