im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
