So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
