My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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