So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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