Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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