she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
