i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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