I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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