Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.