thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
