Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
