Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
