If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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