Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
