Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
