Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
