He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
