This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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