I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
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I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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