its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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