Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
