just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
