That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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