tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
