They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
