Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
