I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need water and some morals
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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