a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
