If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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