i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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