dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
