Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize