her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am available for nakedness
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