Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
