it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
