Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
