I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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