we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
