do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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