just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.