Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (205) Good night (87863) Bad night (7560)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer

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  (484): Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer http://tfl.nu/we5u
  Replies (10) Good night (912) Bad night (4501)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes

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  (781): At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes http://tfl.nu/p42l
  Replies (10) Good night (3413) Bad night (1116)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.

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  (303): I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete. http://tfl.nu/q4l5
  Replies (19) Good night (4699) Bad night (1175)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.

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  (614): she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie. http://tfl.nu/xhiw
  Replies (14) Good night (4242) Bad night (1043)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave

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  (614): All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave http://tfl.nu/wc16
  Replies (6) Good night (3251) Bad night (811)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.

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  (306): Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me. http://tfl.nu/vlc7
  Replies (2) Good night (2196) Bad night (695)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...

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  (469): He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face... http://tfl.nu/7dsy
  Replies (6) Good night (1484) Bad night (761)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.

  (1-517): View more from Michigan

  Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine

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  (517): Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet. (1-517): Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine http://tfl.nu/xagy
  Replies (3) Good night (1136) Bad night (577)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  The problem with that is that my car has been stolen

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  (609): The problem with that is that my car has been stolen http://tfl.nu/g95b
  Replies (3) Good night (648) Bad night (1465)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"

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  (339): I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step" http://tfl.nu/eora
  Replies (2) Good night (1029) Bad night (401)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest

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  (613): Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest http://tfl.nu/6n7k
  Replies (4) Good night (1629) Bad night (345)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics

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  (904): It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics http://tfl.nu/x92g
  Replies (1) Good night (709) Bad night (345)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him

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  (703): He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him http://tfl.nu/a7jc
  Replies (1) Good night (599) Bad night (208)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.

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  (602): Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP? (602): Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know. http://tfl.nu/k0wt
  Replies (3) Good night (437) Bad night (402)

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