Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went