Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
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My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
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I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.