Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
