Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
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Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
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Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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