I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize