The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
