Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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