Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
from now on my penis is your penis
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
