he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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