Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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