I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
