To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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