That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
