I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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