i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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