idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
