I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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