I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
